Thursday, June 16, 2011

Longhorns

Steve (Dylan Vox) and Kevin
(Jacob Newton) in Longhorns.
Longhorns, dir. David Lewis, 2011 USA, 74 min. 
Sat. 6/25, 11:00a @ Castro, LONG25C; [view trailer]

Kevin is a fratboy in Texas in 1982. He and his good-ole-boy buddies are interested in three things: football, beer, and pussy, and not in that order. Of course, when beer and yer buddies are all y’all got, you might come up with some creative substitutes for the pussy — ’scuse me, ma’am, ah mint to say female companionshee’up — with a little help from the VCR, “like havin’ a porno theater right in yer dorm room!”

Ah groo up in Texiss — umm, I mean, I grew up in Texas and was in college in the early 1980’s, so this film was a bit of a period / homecoming piece for me. I can tell you that the Texas accents were a bit of a mixed bag, some more authentic than others, but the obsession with football, especially the University of Texas Longhorns, rings true. My freshman year, I almost got into a fistfight with a fellow Texan because I didn’t know the words to the second verse of the Longhorns fight song, even though I went to school in New Jersey. The relationship between Kevin and César (Derek Efrain Villanueva as the only “out” gay boy in the dorm) mostly rang true, although I daresay you’d have found more Kevins than Césars in that era. The relationship between Kevin and his high school buddy Steve — who is 100% straight but likes to get naked and let his buddy “help him out” while they watch porn — was a bit more over-the-top cheesy. Unfortunately, the pacing was a bit slow, making the movie feel longer than it was. Recommended, I guess.

Best quote: “I enjoy Western Civ; it makes me think deep thoughts. Man, I could really use a blowjob.” — Kevin, voiceover

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