Mi vacío y yo (My Emptiness and I)

Mi vacío y yo (My Emptiness and I), dir. Adrián Silvestre, 2022, Spain, 98m., in Spanish and French with English subtitles 💝

Friday, June 24, 2022, 6:00pm Roxie

+Streaming (ends Thursday night!)

Raphi (Raphaëlle Pérez, pictured front right, in the red and blue dress) is a newly out transwoman living in Barcelona. She fumbles her way through the maze of medical doctors, support groups, friends, and online dates. Her therapist diagnoses “gender dysphoria” and wants her to sign up for bottom surgery right away. She’s not sure she’s ready for that step yet, but has to face the reality that a pre-op transwoman may be treated as a fetish object. She struggles to define herself in a world eager to pigeon­hole her, but she remains true to herself and manages to maintain an optimistic view of life and love, hoping for that great romance.

Pérez herself co-wrote the film, and she is one of several transwomen who were involved in the film, giving the characters the authenticity of real lived experiences. There is a scene of Raphi in a support group, sharing her doubts and fears about transition, witnessing the feelings of others in the transition process, and hearing from others who have been through it, talking about the joys and the risks with remarkable openness and honesty.

There are a few scenes I would categorize as “R-rated sex scenes,” including scenes of sexual encounters that do not go well. Some viewers may find those scenes uncomfortable or distasteful, but that’s what the fast forward button is for; if you stay for those scenes, they do shed real light on the character and her experiences, never played for shock value or titillation, and the depth of the emotional life of the main character is unparalleled. Seldom will you see any film that so profoundly gets inside the life of its characters, especially with a transgender main character.

I hope that a great many young transwomen will see this film, but its appeal is by no means limited to that demographic. This film is a must see for young and old, cis and trans, gay and straight.

• IMDb page • Official website • filmmaker • Trailer •